The only thing worse
than thinking about
girls
while studying
is thinking about
updating your blog
while studying

no
thinking about
girls
is
much much worse

thinking about
blog
is just
disturbing

if i could talk to my shadow
he'll tell me:

"go to sleep
your desk light keeps me up
I'd like to disappear
even if it's just for a little while"

but I'll just reply:

"shadow!
my brother man!
if i turn off the lights
it's not you
who will disappear"

I find
with much relunctance
only an echo
of past conversations
already lost
along the deadend highways
of rewinding lips

but then
I find
a face
you
you stare at the moon and smile

and me
I find
not something revolutionary
nor particularly startling
simply
a wonder

Just got back from San Francisco. I went there with Kathy, Jimmy, Luca, Allison, Olivia and Olivia's friend (whose name I've already forgotten.) We were supposed to go to this "Cinema Electronica" film screening, which featured a DJ Shadow music video directed by Wong Kar Wai, but we weren't able to get tickets. So we got ice cream (the 8 scoop EARTHQUAKE... ohhh man... still so full right now...) and watched Spirited Away instead. Spirited Away is a cartoon directed by Hayao Miyasaki, the artist who made Princess Mononoke and Totorro. It's a really impressive movie. One of the most beautiful pieces of film that I've seen in awhile. I'm so in awe with the movie. I don't want to forget the world I've seen tonight.

Today is a very serendipitous day.

Good times chilling. Under a tree by the GBC. In the shade by Martin Luther King Jr. Or in the secret garden in front of Dwinelle.

Sorry for the lack of details. I'll show you where I go if you find me. Or if I find you.

Really good feeling: "I would like to extend my gratitude to Kevin and Bruce for starting writer's block. It is just amazing, and the perfect venue for creativity. This is what being at a university is all about!"

It's really satisfying to know that the effort I put into an endeavor makes a difference... it makes times like these - these so called "dark" moments... when I question why I take on so much instead of taking it easy - a cool breeze to go through. How do I deal with the seemingly countless things I take on?

I think of certain people, and the rest is easy.

Sooner or later, I'm going to have no room to breathe and there'll be a slithering battalion of homework, midterms, Theatre Rice rehearsals, and APASD meetings just dying to meet me. It's going to happen, I know it. But I'll be prepared this time. I'm going to go to the library tomorrow night to catch up on reading. No more playtime for Bruce. Well, not until the weekend, at least. No. Stop. Stop thinking of fun, Bruce. Bad! Da! Da!

Yesterday's June Jordan memorial reaffirmed one thing again (that I always seem to forget): we are the ones we've been waiting for. She used poetry to gather, save, and change people, including herself. She didn't wait for things to happen. She straight up wrote it and spoke.

I try to live life without regrets, but, well, I felt a slight Regret today and a slight sigh snuck out.

"What happens to a dream when no one dream anymore?"
"They become ghosts."

We just had out first Theatre Rice comedy troupe meeting this morning. We had some swanky cool ideas. Since all my creative energy has been dedicated to serious stuff for awhile now, it's a real relief to get into comedy again. I'm actually really excited about this show. I have this big badass vision for it. I hope we (the mighty comedy troupers) connect and bond. I still remember a good feeling from awhile back: when we finished our first show ever (Luca, Brian, Jes, Cyrus, me, et al...) and we all sang "Say It Ain't So" by Weezer as the audience left... man... good times, good times.

Today is June Jordan's memorial service. Rest in peace.

Today is also Alice and Aimee's house warming party.

I went to SF this morning with Allison for our City Planning project assignment. Malls are unexciting. Clutching to Muni hand rails for your dear life is. I like pretending to be a detective. Add to my To Do List: get dressed up, sneak into office buildings, and makeshift mischief on the inside.

Marques, Ben, Tallulah, and Leigh-Anne came over tonight to hang out. Tallulah pulled a "Bruce" and kicked a sock ball at my wall but it accidentally hit a framed picture, which fell and knocked over a drink. Now I know how it feels like to be the victim of accidental chaos. Oh sweet irony...

I met a homeless person named �Sonny� who was setting up a sleeping bag in the park. He told me about how his mom used to take him to Duboce Park when he was a little kid. Now he lives there day by day. I have a feeling he comes back there to remember.

I do that too sometimes.

With a gentle tug from my music.

Just made this digital art thing. For fun, I guess. I spent way too much time on it (a couple of hours.) I usually play with photoshop to relax but I was really stressing the whole time I was on it. And I'm not even happy with what I made. In fact, I hate it (probably because of I had no fun making it. At all.) Why did I do this again? To relax? Ooh. Good job, jackass.

I'm feeling a little on the edge right now. That's what happens when you're sleep deprived and broke. Lack of sleep and money are things that I don't really get upset over. I can usually manage for awhile without very much of either them. But it's just a not so good time for me, I guess.

I feel like an avalanche of Radiohead, Sage Francis, and Weezer songs right now, playing all at once. You might know the feeling.

StudLeeBC: you watch
StudLeeBC: it's gonna be the best blog update ever
chenni jen: yeahhh

nahh, i lied.

I think I really do need a mentor. I feel lost right now in this whole architecture-cognitive science thing. I have too many ideas in my head and I can't express all of them. I have too many visions and not enough time or method. I don't need one mentor. I need ten of them. Someone who knows architecture and design. Someone who understands people. Someone who's an artist. Someone who dares to push the limits. Someone who is an educator. Someone who is a philosopher. Someone who knows digital design. Someone who's an anthropologist. Someone who's in Ethnic Studies. Someone who has failed.

I think I've been waiting for them to find me. I need to go out and find them. I never want to teach more than I can learn.

I have to go to Brazil. Decarlo told me about it today. I think I really am a lot like Tallulah. But not too.

What was my master plan again? Last year, it was "save the whole f*cking world."

I'm revising it: "change the world."

It can be a crowd or a single person.

Want a good quick read? "On Seeing 100% Perfect Girl on a Beautiful April Morning" at http://www.geocities.com/softalarm/repeat/

It's the story of our lives.

This week, I have dreams of becoming a hip hop artist. Yes, yes, unrealistic, I know. But who knows? I have some wit. And some poetic nerves. And a little chaos too. It's a long shot. But what if this "what if" comes true, you know? A better question would probably be "why"? I'm a personal journalist. I have stuff to say. Why not saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannggg it?

Tomorrow I have to control my homework.

I fight for a voice, a murmur that glides of the slope of two lips. Yes and no. I charge and go. Back to the face, of anyone, with a voice.

The Optimus Prime Party (aka Jerry's B-Day and our house warming party) is now over. It was real fun. It's good to see all these random people from different parts of Berkeley life mingle together. I passed out for a little bit (thanks to Jen Tran) but I'm good now. I hope I didn't act too much like jackass. All apologies if I was a jerk. I was just trying to have some mindless fun. Thanks y'all for coming. It's good to find some friendly faces.

Happy 20th Jerry.

In Cog Sci discussion we watched a video that had a segment on someone who damaged a part of his brain and now has constant memory loss. Like what happened in the movie Memento. Every moment is a completely new one for him. When he talks, he already starts to forget the last thing he said. It's like he's constantly waking up. He doesn't remember anything except for two things: his love for his wife (who he doesn't consciously recognize) and his ability to read, play, and conduct music.

My first year of college seems so far away now. I found all my old stuff in a box I left in the Bricky Attic. It's funny how everything that meant something to me a year or two ago now fits into a simple box.

Waking up in places I don't know is momentarily exciting. Until the contact lenses start feeling crusty.

Alex and I hit up the Theatre Rice auditions today after settling into our apartment. We're auditioning for spots on the new Theatre Rice roster. I hope we both get in. I wrote a bunch of stuff on the bus this morning and I recited it as my audition piece. Just imagine me rambling because that's basically what I did. In a cool way. Yes. Cool.

Funny moment: When Jerry sat on the Chill Chair and it collapsed on him. Ahh. The slapstick joys of apartment life.

I'm itching for some new music. But I don't want to spend money on more CDs. I miss the CD swapping system that was happening over the summer. I need to burn CDs! Burn 'em all!

Tonight is my first night at the apartment. Hoo boy. The roommates went home for the weekend so I have the place all to myself. I invited Allison and Jenny over to watch Amelie. Luca showed up a little later too. We were chillin' out, maxin', and relaxin' all cool. Woohoo... they're the first guests to come over and chill at the apartment. Popcorn and Vitasoy is nice, by the way.

Tomorrow is my brother's birthday. Ho ho.