my mother says that i have to cut my hair. lose the bangs, she says. keep it short.

why?

it's bad for you. you should keep your forehead free of hair. it'll help you study. knowledge will be absorbed into your brain more smoothly without hair in the way.

oh, i blink. makes sense. i'll cut it.

talked to an last night about home, and how we regret being so distant from it, how we're so far away, how we're free but aching so much for being so. maybe i'm doing what i love and losing the people i love in the process. i must remember to write my family letters more. letter writing is a lost art, it seems to be all about blogs and e-mails now. i'm going to bring it back. the postman's got to eat.

spring break and home with dad.

there's so much in my father's eyes that i want to write about. there's something barely dangling on of his teeth whenever he opens his mouth but doesn't say a word. i want to clutch with a fly net, hold it close, take it to a microphone and let it breathe, let it say a word. i want to hear the sounds my father is too proud to make.

if my father was the size of a paperclip. i would keep in my pocket and carry him back to berkeley. i could have him listen to some music, show him dusty amoeba records, let him leap through the cult dvds in the back section, run through david lynch, jump over the kids in the hall collection, convince him that bush isn't the answer, let him dive into a pool of naan and curry, let him run through the cracks in the sidewalks of telegraph, constantly looking at the sky and thinking that he was flying. as i'm carrying him he'll carry me and we'll get getting carried away.

i want to give him an ounce of my dreams, give him the fire to do what he wants with his life. but maybe it's already too late for that.

one year ago i wrote this in my blog:

"grounded"

la dyc fu 111: i hope you feel grounded.

me too. my family life is a wreck tonight. heartbreak and unshared feelings run deep in my family and sometimes it just spills out and messes everything up. this makes me stronger though. i'm not gonna let this happen to my future family. i've been running and running from home but now it's time i start making things right. i'm brave. but not brave enough to share the poem about all this.

lord i've got to change
lord i've got to change
the only thing i'm scared of
is staying the same

sings dennis kim

that's always been my anthem as well, man...

dope song of the day: nick drake's pink moon. if you're like me and you're just another kid going through post-teenage angst, you should listen to some nick drake. it's melancholic and beautiful. now switch off that john mayer mp3. this one's it.

damn, how history repeats itself. must not let this happen again.

i feel like i've just been crumpled up and tossed into the wind.

(and what a sap i used to be, consoling myself with nick drake

...this year it's all about Iron and Wine.)

"your government failed you," begins richard clarke in his opening statements for the 9/11 commission.

ouch. damn. what a way to begin. former white house aide clarke trashes the bush administration on its mishandling of 9/11 and the war on terrorism. the bush administration aren't denying the accusations, just ignoring them, and trying to character assasinatinate clarke, calling a disgruntled employee playing partisan politics (don't forget that clarke is a warhawk republican who served in every administration since reagon.)

some of the things clarke goes over in his testimony:

+ Clarke repeatedly warned the Bush Administration about attacks from al Qaeda, starting in the first days of Bush's term.
+ On September 12, 2001, Donald Rumsfeld pushed to bomb Iraq even though they knew that al Qaeda was in Afghanistan.
+ Also on September 12, 2001, President Bush personally pushed Clarke to find evidence that Iraq was behind the attacks.
+ The Bush Administration knew from the beginning that there was no connection between Iraq and 9/11, but created the misperception in order to push their policy goals. "
+ The war on Iraq has increased the danger of terrorism.
(from moveon.org)

families and friends of victims waiting for answers, and accountability.

a huge amount of discussion going on kos about all this ("richard clarke, patriot", "your government failed you","9/11 commission open thread" and many more...)

this is only the beginning, let's see how all this pans out...

did jeremy tape over my only vhs copy of "regret?"

load up explorer. log into calmail. "sign a petition for the cuevas family," "CED career center meeting," "bush's terrorism failures exposed," "broken english conference registration," "aypal justice demanded rally," and e-mails from helene park, odessa chen, melissa hung, and s. open the one from s. "missing u like hurricanes." (i reply: "missing you like kidnapped children.") don't feel like reading the others, not now anyways. log off calmail. log into hotmail. theatre rice announcements. poetry 4 the people announcements. e-mail from mom in orlando. also, a long e-mail from poet rob richert that deserves a reply. leave a sticky on my monitor. log off hotmail. log into daily kos, ny times, aint it cool news, but don't really read any of the articles. google: blue scholars. avoid the aim. 9:33 pm. shut off monitor. press the computer power switch down for 8 seconds before the thing goes off.

the beach isn't too far. i step out of my house and start walking.

it takes me 18 minutes to get there. i dip my head into the sand and pull up with a generous mouthful.

the waves roll in, what do you think you're doing?

making out with the earth.

you know, there are cigarette butts and used condoms on this beach.

i cough, hack, then pipe back: i'll swallow all the sand if it'll make the ocean just a lil bit larger.

but why would you do that?

well, for the stars, that way they'll see themselves more clearly. that way they'll come out more.

the waves roll back in, laughing like a madman. didn't you used to have grander dreams? dreams of catching a cloud with a fly net and hiding it in your backpack, and calling all the sparrows and robins to come and fly in your backpack, and then teaching the cloud to rain, and then letting trees and grass grow, and then when the sun and the moon finally show up to play in your backpack, dart home, laughing, singing, huffing and puffing, barely able to contain yourself as you give your mom the sky. what happened to those dreams?

man dawg, when did you become so talkative, i shoot back defensively.

we got no one to talk to anymore, the waves sigh.

and i shrug.

why don't you just e-mail me.

from krs one to good ol' kenzaburo, i got some heavy reading to do (one two three four five), with some music on some heavy rotation (one two three four five), and the sun beating my skin like a drum where ever i wanna go (much thanks for this spring break)

had fried chicken for dinner so you know the night's off to a good start. caught the yeah yeah yeahs and kicked it quick with spike jonze after the show. karen o is a robust super sci-fi mad lady, spitting grapes at the audience and singing with a microphone stuffed in her mouth. real regal gal, puts the venus of willendorf to shame. and spike's so cool he'd turn milk into ice cream (how i shamelessly name drop.) 'course, no one's cooler than the birthday kids, very merry wishes to denise, andinh, and ronnie.

p.s.: the gondry obsession continues, can't breathe, can't sleep, can't do anything til i see this flick: sunspot mind music video.

bob zangas is a us soldier who passed away a few days ago just south of baghdad. he kept a blog about his travels and experiences during the war.

reason #456 why i'm so god damn busy this semester: the motherfuking TIL OUR CHESTS BURN save outreach concert whaaat whaaat whaaat

not much on the website except a pretty poster (jimmy draws more dangeoursly than doc holiday himself.) will update it soon, after this week's parade of midterms and papers.

so busy, but hey, i like the grey hair.

danger mouse used acid pro to make the grey album!?

dennis kucinich is so hip hop

lonely people! download this off soulseek, then buy it when it comes out...

also, mad props to my roommate alex (the wandering panda) for drawing/writing quite a nice manga.

this night, this night is on our shoulders now, come nearer, nearer, but don't lean too close, my back might crumble

QUANNUM WORLD TOUR IS IN EFFECT
=================================
Yes, people it is official. The Quannum Crew will be on the road in April
mobbing cities from the West to the East coast with one night of Solesides
magic. For tickets and show times please contact your local venue.

Appearing live on stage together for the first time:

DJ Shadow
Blackalicious
Latyrx
The Gift of Gab
DJ D Sharp
Lateef and the Chief
Joyo Velarde
Lifesavas
Lyrics Born

4/04 PORTLAND Crystal Ballroom
4/05 VANCOUVER Commodore
4/06 SEATTLE Showbox
4/09 MINNEAPOLIS Qwest
4/10 CHICAGO Parwest
4/11 DETROIT Clutch Cargo
4/12 TORONTO Kool Haus
4/14 PROVIDENCE Lupos
4/15 BOSTON Avalon
4/16 PHILLY Factory
4/18 DC 930
4/19 NYC Irving Plaza
4/21 ATLANTA Earthlink Live
4/22 NEW ORLEANS Twiropa
4/23 AUSTIN Stubbs
4/25 DENVER Fillmore
4/26 ALBURQURQUE Sunshine Theater
4/27 PHOENIX Marquee
4/29 LA House of Blues
4/30 LA House of Blues
5/01 SF Warfield

i really shouldn't be going through people's old blog entries.

the makeagoddamnfilmbytheendofthesemester project - entry 1

strung out on coffee right now, going crazy, shit i'm amazed at how i'm able to survive without a planner or anything, juggling concert planning, api issues conference, thesis paper, furniture design, midterms, poetry 4 the people, vsa culture show, birthdays, and of course the girlfriend all in my head at the same time at every single aching moment of my life. need sleep, why did i drink so much coffee? ok alright alright alright alright alright first thing i do tomorrow is buy a planner. oh and meet with prof roy about my thesis paper (i'm actually writing one! crazy!)

and in the midst of all this madness we're thinking of making movies.

the screening of "regret" at the naata film fest went pretty well today, they gave us free croissants so you know i'm happy. excited that people in chicago, houston, and calgary, canada, are going to watch the movie. crazy. we're still riding this movie one year after it's completion. it's all cool and all but it's high time we jump back into the mad laboratory...

gonna collaborate with some insanely creative folks on these next few projects, let's see what happens.

later
he spoke to me of his first love,
of distant streets,
of his reactions to the war,
of press and radio heroism,
and when he had hidden his cough in his handkerchief,
i asked: "will we be meeting?"
he answered: "in some city far away."

when i'd filled his glass the fourth time
i said in joke: you're going away - what of the homeland?
"let me be," he said.
"i am dreaming of white lilies,
of a street that is singing, of a house that is lit.
i want a good heart not a loaded rifle.
i want a sunlit day, not the mad,
fascist moment of conquest.
i want a smiling child meeting the day with laughter.
not a piece of the war machine.
i came to live sunrises
no sunsets."

he bade me farewell, for he was searching for white lilies
for a bird that meets the morning
on an olive branch,
because he understands things
only as he feels and smells them.
he understands, he told me, that
"home is sipping his mother's coffee,
and coming back safe of the evening"

- mahmoud darwish, the music of human flesh

davey d on cambodian deportation

too motherfukin cool

slapstick kickback at my place tonight, nobody dared to drink the boxed wine, talked shit while listening to the beatles' "let it be," celebrated a good first show, we set socks on fire; partied like prince, dj danger mouse, and the digable planets.

so i'm a nerd, but i think it's fun to speculate on who the next VP will be. i'm rooting for the people of color, congressman john lewis or governor bill richardson.

john lewis, freedom rider, civil rights leader, congressman, cat rocked it with mlk jr back in the day. i don't want this election to be about the past but what was bush doing in the 60s while lewis was organizing rallies, mobilizing hundreds of thousands of volunteers, and fighting for equality and civil rights?

bill richardson, governor of new mexico, four time nobel peace prize nominee, former ambassador to the united nations. brings plenty of foreign policy experience to the table, man, holmes will take down cheney and bush on badly they screwed over the world.

it's open game right now, we prolly won't find out for a few weeks. i'm guessing it's most likely going to be edwards though, with all the hype surrounding him right now. could be clark too. whatever. as long as it's not dick gerphardt.

i got a thirst so bad to make another short film, throat parched, lips chapped, bones ready to bend like butter, i'm ready to rock steady with every cubic inch of my body, let's feed off each other and never go hungry again.

small plugs regarding "regret" (short film andinh and i put together last spring) and "everyday the world is a playground" (the collaborative water color cartoon a bunch of us bumrushed out on a drunken night of fried chicken and red stripe.)

22nd SF International Asian American Film Festival
Sunday March 7, 2004 - 6:45 PM
AMC Kabuki 8 Theatres, San Francisco
"the art of breathing," short films including sam chen's "eternal gaze" and our "regret."

Music, Story, Expectation: Experimental Works
Thursday, March 11, 2004 - 7 pm
PFA, UC Berkeley Campus
eclectic selection of short films, including "hot in herre reeemix" by helene park, "vision" by janice chow, and a very last minute addition of "regret."

2004 Eisner Award Film and Video Screening
sometime in early April
PFA, UC Berkeley Campus
a showcase of all the winners of this year's Eisner Award competition, including "everyday the world is a playground."

these will all be dope!

if i could give you my lung, i would rip it out of my chest and let you hold it tight and cradle it like a baby, feel my lung inhale against your chest, breathing, dancing, hold my lung tight, let it breathe, don't worry about it running out of air as it's close to you. please, knot my hair to a star and let it drag me across the universe, tearing my body to shreds along all the cracks and fissures in the sky. laugh with me, tell me a story about us dancing on the head of a needle

good to be at the theatre rice rehearsal today. i missed em all. it looked so fun to be on stage. my only regret in rice is that i never tried improv. man, i never dared to do it. it looked like so much fun tonight tho. i swear, if you're still in rice, try improv. step out of your comfort zone. props to all the improv kids, especially the new ones, yall got plenty of balls.

comedy troupe is looking solid, just not enough confidence in the air. believe!

noonch23: dont be sad
noonch23: we're gonna go see the pixies

it was insane. we were gonna go camp out in davis at 4:30 in the morning but ronnie calls and says that there's already 20 people in line. online ticket purchasing was insane. i was lucky to get 2. diane had a miracle and got 6. this show is gonna be hot. like, latvian lullaby, czech dirge and bulgarian ballad hot.