"uh... actually, you guys go ahead, i, um, forgot to do something," says a sly bernard suddenly after insisting on accompanying sara and me on a meteor catching adventure.

it's an unfortunate potential tragedy that i've discovered the beauty of sputnik 7 right smack in the middle of the brouharhar of my architecture project and its relentlessly encroaching deadline.

have you witnessed thee mad march of the white stripes' "seven nation army"? the rebellious robotron of quannum's "i changed my mind"? the funky impostories of fatlips' "what's up, fatlip" (by spike jonze, no less)? all dope music videos, all on sputnik (home of some real amazing short films too, discovering them is like tasting necterines for the first time, and the beach air is in your hair, and a little dog scoots by on stumpy legs without knees.)

even though i come home from architecture studios at 4:30 in the morning (thank you, sara, for driving me), i find myself unable to sleep at night, no matter how tired i am. these times, with gentle street cleaning machines buzzing in the distance, give me the opportunity (or curse) to think in my room. lately, i've been feeling moody and disheartened because of the desperate political and social landscapes we live in, here in america. it's a terribly tragic time. while the fall of saddam's regime is a relief to the whole world, the war on iraq is a living breathing testament to how our government manipulated us through lies and forged evidence, while costing us (and still costing us) a billion dollars a week to maintain. our economy is bankrupt, (we've lost millions of jobs in the past 3 years.) we're also living under the patriot's act, which grants the goverment's total access to all information, a nightmare straight out of orwell's 1984.

yes, the days are depressing.

but i am cheered.

i am cheered because of the power of blog (not a joke.) blogs are a revolution of free world-wide information for all. there are lot of beautiful and very well-informed blogs out there that are a wealth of information to read, such as the blogs of writer danny goldberg and the "the right christians". insane reads. i'm lost in these and their links for hours sometimes.

i am cheered because of the grass-roots activitsts. there's an incendiary passion at activists meetings (inspiring, until a heated debate.) i am trying to get more involved in activism this semester more so than ever. some amazingly creative and talented kids and i are all trying to destroy creno, one of the most fucked up and dangerous (and unfortunately little known) initiatives to come to california.

i am cheered by do it yourself media. i am empowered to the fullest effect in film (thank you andinh) and poetry (thank you jimmy.) the media is a language that we've lost but must now regain, train, and sing our hearts out with.

i am cheered by my loved ones, loved ones of crab and beer, thai temples brunches, long rides to los angeles and back, drunken freestyles, late night confessions at sun hong kong, songs at cafe jun, "24" marathons, birthday kidnappings, architecture all-nighters, sproul sunbathing, walking the dog, rice pinkies, fried chicken, and waffles, and getting lost on freeways after a late night movie.

i am cheered by jimmy and ed's birthdays.

and now, i will be cheered by sleep.

cheers.

i'm feeling giddy.

today in lecture i realize that i want to die in a village where you can tell what season it is by listening to the songs the villagers sing. school children will sing songs of spring in the morning as i leave home for work and that night as i return on a beaten path, i will hear an old guitarist cry like winter soft rain. maybe that place is somewhere in vietnam, or the southern coast of france, or somewhere that i don't even dare to imagine, somewhere out there in the deep blue wide, a place of footprints in the sands, burnt bread in the air, and the moon dancing on our roofs.

my last words would be "everything in its right place," but quoting radiohead would be corny, especially such words as those.

"Dear Ann:

This really happened in a town near mine and never fails to bring me a chuckle. A woman frantically rushed into an emergency room with one palm pressed against the back of her head. She claimed she had been shot from behind while driving her car and that she had driven to the hospital with one hand while using the other to keep her brains from spilling out. The emergency team reacted quickly, knowing how precious each bit of brain tissue was to the woman's functioning in the future. Soon enough, however, they were able to piece together what had actually happened. The woman had been to the supermarket and placed her groceries in the back seat of her car, which was very hot from sitting in the sun. As she was driving home, a bullet apparently fired from at least a half-mile away passed through the glass in her back window and had just enough velocity to enter the scalp at the back of her skull. The "brains" that the woman thought she was holding in was actually just a mixture of blood and cerebrospinal fluid!"

from ann landers' parallel universe

"just in case there's any misunderstanding, you will be living in studio for the next ten days. you can only go home to eat and sleep."

"what about shower?"

"not even that."

our architecture teacher warning us on the gloom and doom of the final days of architecture.

ps: need another reason to no vote for george w. bush in 2004? how about one thousand more?

read znet to learn about why 11 million children die each year.

micheal moore's website is a very rousing read. if you haven't seen "bowling for columbine" yet, i implore - i say, implore - you to watch it.

she comes to america, america the bright, america the light
she comes to america the same reason a moth comes to a lightbulb
she comes to become fire
to become fire, as in bright, as in fiery, as incendiary as your imagination
she comes to become fire
but instead
she's fired upon
a ghost under the shells of a gun

cau tran
mother of two
you didn't expect this, didn't you?

you dial 911
but when did 911 stop meaning a call for help
and start meaning a call for guns
9 is the trigger
1 is the bullet
1 is the last

thanks to the boys in blue
with the white stars
and now red stains too

when a mother dies, not just a light goes out, a darkness goes in
a darkness goes into not only the home that she leaves behind
but into the hearts of two children alone

(i write as i ride a bus at 2 am, this poem is unfinished, like most poems and, sad to say, most lives too.)

www.tranmemorial.com

in case you don't know, creno (aka classification of race, ethnicity and national origin initiative) is a resolution proposed by ward connerly that would make the collection of any data on racial and ethnic information illegal for the university of california and other state government agencies. creno dreams of creating a race-blind society by keeping information, demographics, and statistics of ethnicity and race out of govermental reach.

this is an illegalization of information.

to ignore facts does not change them. to allow race to be seen but never noted, traced, or tracked, is unimaginably dangerous.

the anti-discrimination movement would be potentially destroyed. we won't be able to note race and ethnicity-based hate crimes, cases of racial profiling, work-place based discrimination, and racism in the housing market.

the chiasm in educational opportunities between racial groups could be even further widened. demographics show that african-american and latino students have less access to ap opportunities, trained teachers, and attend schools with fewer financial resouces. without this information, how can we make change?

there are drastic differences in the type of care, the quality of care, and the availability of health care between whites and racial and ethnic minorities (even when they have comparable medical issurance.) disease patterns also differ between ethnic groups (for example: vietnamese women have the highest invasive cervical cancer incidence rates of all women, and latino women rank second highest.) medical and social research would be hurt dramatically.

to have justice, we have to be able to identify injustice, its causes, and its effects. creno won't make racism or discrimination dissapear.

please, say no to creno.

and then please, do whatever you can to stop this from happening. you know better than i what it is that you can secretly accomplish.